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Cosmo on crack

Up until now I have tried to keep my rants focus in the area of design and professional life but after an experience earlier this week I have decided to deviate if only for a while.

Having decided to kill some time at my local literary mega store a few nights ago, I wandered the rows of book aimlessly flipping through every manner of book, and magazine. Stopping to chuckle at the headlines displayed in bright type on the front of every womans magazine, taking special attention to look over the cover of the head of the class in this department – Cosmopolitan.

I have long been a believer that if you looked at the increasing rise in divorce and compared it against the rising readership of the magazine Cosmopolitan you would see a frighteningly similar curve. As I am sure most any man already knows where I am going with this as he has at one point or another found himself embroiled in a seemingly endless and unprovoked argument about something as deep and meaningful as why a little satanic Cosmo quiz your girlfriend or wife has just completed says his romance IQ is below par and she wants to know why.

I continued to ramble on through the stacks when I happened to wander by the long row of clearance books. I came upon a book that left me standing there in the aisle scanning the store with the hopes of finding even the most remote of acquaintance to show this find. I had an expression that could have only compared to the slack jawed bewilderment of a young teenager when he first found his father hidden stash of Playboy magazines.

The book, whose title and author I am going to omit, looked much like a high school math book contained a long series of very official looking and scientific formulas that read like Cosmo on crack. The book professed to be able to allow the reader to be able to use these formulas to determine such things as “How likely it is that your man has had an affair at work” which was based on taking elements such as the number of years he has worked there, number of women in the office, number of ex-girlfriends and come out with the percentage of likelihood he has had an affair at work. While I was spinning from the thoughts of the fights this could generate I read on to find chapters like, and I couldn’ make this up if I wanted to, ““How to determine your mans future net worth by how he makes love””, and the king of the hill “Determine how much your man would pay for you if you were a hooker”. I think I can say with a good amount of certainty that I will never want to figure that out and why the hell would you ever want to sit down and figure this out.

They say that to be a true support of the freedom of expression you should support the ideas you think are the worst or hate the most. I think I just found my new life’s work…

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